The Boy Who Loved
Rock and Roll
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND © 2001
History:
Middle aged parents (Jeff & Sally -- not their real names)
with late teen child (John -- pseudonym). Jeff and Sally have a strong desire
for John to adopt Godly values, confront and overcome the temptations to succumb
to the passions of the flesh. John began to exhibit patterns of escape into
a "private world" in early childhood. John has a Christian girlfriend, is well
liked in school, and is very articulate and intelligent. He admits to enjoying
secular music a great deal, owns many CD's, and likes to learn lessons on life
from the lyrics.
The Conflict:
The conflict arose because his mother, Sally, wants him to
not even desire the secular music and to be repulsed by the lessons of that
music. His father (Jeff) wants John to be in relationship with him, to share,
participate, and be close like when John was younger. But, John had committed
some significant moral transgressions in the past, and Jeff was having a very
had time being close to John because of the feelings of betrayal. As a result,
John had withdrawn from his Dad especially. But in general he does not talk
to his parents very much more than to say hello, yeah, and good-bye. John claims
this separation is necessary, because if he does share who he is, that he will
get a lecture. John has developed a "touchy" attitude toward anything his Dad
says -- John was expecting that anything his Dad says would be critical. He
doesn't talk to his mother hardly at all because he expects that she will turn
his conversation into ammunition for how he should be more Godly. His parents
do not want him to listen to this music, nor do they have a desire to hear it.
They feel it is evil, and implants unGodly lyrics in his soul. They feel he
is being seduced into darkness and evil, and that the fact that he resonates
with Rock and Roll and wants to listen to it indicates that he may not even
be a real Christian.
The Lesson for the Child:
-
John must learn to
resist the temptation to be easily offended by his parent’s judgment.
-
He has spent years
molding his mind separating himself from the teaching and pressures of his
parents. Deception, hiding, going away has been his habit and tools to avoid
punishment. Those traits have now become habits and automatic reflexes.
-
It will be necessary
for him to focus on listening, repeating back, and sharing his feelings
when he feels hurt.
-
He must learn to
be vulnerable and communicate what is going on with him on a day to day
basis, sharing his insights about his music, how the songs make him feel,
and being critical of the message on life that they give him.
Becoming Immunized to
Evil:
-
For a young person,
he is fairly familiar with the ways of the world. But, his street smarts
are different that spiritual wisdom. As a result, he was being seduced into
the den of iniquity, attracted by the sights and sounds, but unaware of
the death and degradation of his soul that lay inside those gates.
-
He has passions that
are normal for a young man. He resonates with the hurt and pain of life
that the music brings alive for him. It allows him to think and process
the emotions of his own life and it gives him comfort to know that he is
not alone in his pain.
-
One way to grow up
is to experience the evils of the world in a safe place where the consequences
of his experimentation can be minimized, and the damage identified and healed
quicker. When he strays away from the safety of the Godly home and life,
and he is still close to the nest, he can come back.
-
Another way to
become immunized against the evils of the world is to read stories about
the lives of people who have gone through various dramas and how they overcame
those heartaches, trials, and misadventures. Making decisions about how
to actually live life is an important process.
-
Listening to music
that dramatizes evil is a dangerous method of touching and tasting the passions
of life. Music provides a very strong temptation to viscerally enter that
world sex, drugs, pain, and passion. What the mind dwells upon, it is more
likely to act upon. It is not a foregone conclusion, but music and message
can create desire. The desire is a fertile place for the spirits that inhabit
the evil messages can grow.
-
Anything that is
done with consciousness can be chosen or avoided. But, it is important not
linger in the house of temptation. It is human to be curious, to look, to
see what is in there. But after having taken a look, it is better to leave
the place where the spirits inhabit the hearts of those who serve them.
-
How to resist temptation?
Simply look away. Do not engage in dwelling on it. It may take some time
to analyze it, to know from your own spiritual insight that you are looking
at evil. But once you see its fruits, know that it is evil that you see,
then look away, do not dwell on the evil. Instead, fill your heart and mind
with the good, lovely, and righteous opposite. It is good to quote scripture,
or to bring up the memory of what you will think about instead of the tempting,
seductive, addicting flesh trap.
The Lesson for Parents:
-
The parents need
to actively listen to their child. He has a story, they need to be interested
in who he has become and the temptations, challenges, and errors he has
made. There is no need to soft-peddle the fact that he has made errors.
But, it is not necessary to display personal anger other than briefly. Displeasure
and disagreement with the actions should be obvious, and it is unnecessary
to continue to hold an angry posture once the child has acknowledged it
was wrong.
-
Anger should be
directed at the sin, the spirit which has seduced the child. The soul and
spirit of the child should be embraced, loved, and comforted. The child
and parents should dwell on the fact that he is fighting principalities,
powers, and rulers of darkness who do wish to take his soul. He should realize
consciously that he is being seduced by evil, and his parents are his allies
in their attempt to save his soul from destruction..
-
At some point the
child has to grow independent and leave their care, but it is the parent's
duty to bring the child to the fear and admonition of the Lord. The challenge
is how to teach the child righteousness without breaking his spirit and
alienating him. In this case, the parents were so afraid of, and repulsed
by, the evil that their son had touched, that they could not be a comfort.
Their work is to rise above the repulsion and love their child so much that
they could look past the darkness in his soul and love him anyway.
-
The parents were
both extremely strict in their interpretation of right/wrong, and engaged
in strong judgment and administered strict punishment for doing wrong. The
problem was that the strictness and finality of their judgment left no space
for God to convict and move the child. The parents should clearly say, "this
is wrong" and then expect that the child would hear, and that God would
work on his heart. Thus, the healing would arise as result of both works
(confrontation, counsel, punishment, and personal example) and faith (expecting
that God would work the miracle of transforming the boy's heart, mind, habits
into righteous behavior and Godly conscience).
-
Of course there
are children who are so rebellious that they will not listen to any authority,
and are totally destructive and sold out to wrong thinking and unGodliness.
Such children are a totally different category than a child who is willing
to listen, and is attempting to overcome the seductions of his flesh.
-
In this case, there
had been a lifetime of error on the part of the parents in terms of how
they had disciplined the child. The precocious nature of the child, combined
with the strict, unbending expectation of perfect moral performance was
the perfect ground for rebellion and the development of a secret life. The
parents had no idea that the seed had been planted and grown unseen for
so many years. They were trying to recover and bring the child into submission
to the Lord's Way now that the child's inner state of moral decay had come
into the light.
-
To force the child
into immediate submission often produces rebellion and a hardened heart.
Change often is deeper and more permanent when the work of personality transformation
is done slowly, steadily, and the coaching, teaching, parenting is done
with kindness. Understand the heart of the child is overcome by the spirit
of rebellion. Know that he has an unregenerate heart, but that God is ultimately
the force that must work on the heart of the child to change it. The parents
can provide boundaries, restrictions, and rules which let the child know
where the areas of harm are located. But, in all their correction, discipline,
and counsel they must maintain a heart connection, a love relationship with
their child where he can really see the fruit of the spirit coming out of
his parent's hearts and manifesting in a truly connecting and loving relationship.
-
This was the error
of Mom and Dad. They had become so offended by the sin of their child that
compliance with the law, and judgment for sin has become their primary focus.
Until compliance was delivered, there was little openness in the heart of
Mom and Dad for their son.
The Resolution:
-
Mom and Dad were
given the above framework for relationship. Love him, give him guidelines,
listen to him, and have faith that your faith will be rewarded.
-
John was given
the homework assignment of turning away from the Rock and Roll, realizing
it was a drug, and that it had the power to shape and distort his soul.
-
As time passed,
John did turn from Rock and Roll and inappropriate relationships with young
girls. He decided to go to college, or possibly the mission field for a
year before he started college. He moved out on his own to establish some
independence while he was still close to home before he left for college
or the mission field.
-
John's parents
stepped back a little, and the relationship between John and his parents
improved.
Written: 10/21/2001
Modified: 11/29/2002