On Earth as it is in Heaven

Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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The Boy Who Loved Rock and Roll
By: Thomas Lee Abshier, ND © 2001

History:
Middle aged parents (Jeff & Sally -- not their real names) with late teen child (John -- pseudonym). Jeff and Sally have a strong desire for John to adopt Godly values, confront and overcome the temptations to succumb to the passions of the flesh. John began to exhibit patterns of escape into a "private world" in early childhood. John has a Christian girlfriend, is well liked in school, and is very articulate and intelligent. He admits to enjoying secular music a great deal, owns many CD's, and likes to learn lessons on life from the lyrics.

The Conflict:
The conflict arose because his mother, Sally, wants him to not even desire the secular music and to be repulsed by the lessons of that music. His father (Jeff) wants John to be in relationship with him, to share, participate, and be close like when John was younger. But, John had committed some significant moral transgressions in the past, and Jeff was having a very had time being close to John because of the feelings of betrayal. As a result, John had withdrawn from his Dad especially. But in general he does not talk to his parents very much more than to say hello, yeah, and good-bye. John claims this separation is necessary, because if he does share who he is, that he will get a lecture. John has developed a "touchy" attitude toward anything his Dad says -- John was expecting that anything his Dad says would be critical. He doesn't talk to his mother hardly at all because he expects that she will turn his conversation into ammunition for how he should be more Godly. His parents do not want him to listen to this music, nor do they have a desire to hear it. They feel it is evil, and implants unGodly lyrics in his soul. They feel he is being seduced into darkness and evil, and that the fact that he resonates with Rock and Roll and wants to listen to it indicates that he may not even be a real Christian.

The Lesson for the Child:

John must learn to resist the temptation to be easily offended by his parent’s judgment.

He has spent years molding his mind separating himself from the teaching and pressures of his parents. Deception, hiding, going away has been his habit and tools to avoid punishment. Those traits have now become habits and automatic reflexes.

It will be necessary for him to focus on listening, repeating back, and sharing his feelings when he feels hurt.

He must learn to be vulnerable and communicate what is going on with him on a day to day basis, sharing his insights about his music, how the songs make him feel, and being critical of the message on life that they give him.

Becoming Immunized to Evil:

For a young person, he is fairly familiar with the ways of the world. But, his street smarts are different that spiritual wisdom. As a result, he was being seduced into the den of iniquity, attracted by the sights and sounds, but unaware of the death and degradation of his soul that lay inside those gates.

He has passions that are normal for a young man. He resonates with the hurt and pain of life that the music brings alive for him. It allows him to think and process the emotions of his own life and it gives him comfort to know that he is not alone in his pain.

One way to grow up is to experience the evils of the world in a safe place where the consequences of his experimentation can be minimized, and the damage identified and healed quicker. When he strays away from the safety of the Godly home and life, and he is still close to the nest, he can come back.

Another way to become immunized against the evils of the world is to read stories about the lives of people who have gone through various dramas and how they overcame those heartaches, trials, and misadventures. Making decisions about how to actually live life is an important process.

Listening to music that dramatizes evil is a dangerous method of touching and tasting the passions of life. Music provides a very strong temptation to viscerally enter that world sex, drugs, pain, and passion. What the mind dwells upon, it is more likely to act upon. It is not a foregone conclusion, but music and message can create desire. The desire is a fertile place for the spirits that inhabit the evil messages can grow.

Anything that is done with consciousness can be chosen or avoided. But, it is important not linger in the house of temptation. It is human to be curious, to look, to see what is in there. But after having taken a look, it is better to leave the place where the spirits inhabit the hearts of those who serve them.

How to resist temptation? Simply look away. Do not engage in dwelling on it. It may take some time to analyze it, to know from your own spiritual insight that you are looking at evil. But once you see its fruits, know that it is evil that you see, then look away, do not dwell on the evil. Instead, fill your heart and mind with the good, lovely, and righteous opposite. It is good to quote scripture, or to bring up the memory of what you will think about instead of the tempting, seductive, addicting flesh trap.

The Lesson for Parents:

The parents need to actively listen to their child. He has a story, they need to be interested in who he has become and the temptations, challenges, and errors he has made. There is no need to soft-peddle the fact that he has made errors. But, it is not necessary to display personal anger other than briefly. Displeasure and disagreement with the actions should be obvious, and it is unnecessary to continue to hold an angry posture once the child has acknowledged it was wrong.

Anger should be directed at the sin, the spirit which has seduced the child. The soul and spirit of the child should be embraced, loved, and comforted. The child and parents should dwell on the fact that he is fighting principalities, powers, and rulers of darkness who do wish to take his soul. He should realize consciously that he is being seduced by evil, and his parents are his allies in their attempt to save his soul from destruction..

At some point the child has to grow independent and leave their care, but it is the parent's duty to bring the child to the fear and admonition of the Lord. The challenge is how to teach the child righteousness without breaking his spirit and alienating him. In this case, the parents were so afraid of, and repulsed by, the evil that their son had touched, that they could not be a comfort. Their work is to rise above the repulsion and love their child so much that they could look past the darkness in his soul and love him anyway.

The parents were both extremely strict in their interpretation of right/wrong, and engaged in strong judgment and administered strict punishment for doing wrong. The problem was that the strictness and finality of their judgment left no space for God to convict and move the child. The parents should clearly say, "this is wrong" and then expect that the child would hear, and that God would work on his heart. Thus, the healing would arise as result of both works (confrontation, counsel, punishment, and personal example) and faith (expecting that God would work the miracle of transforming the boy's heart, mind, habits into righteous behavior and Godly conscience).

Of course there are children who are so rebellious that they will not listen to any authority, and are totally destructive and sold out to wrong thinking and unGodliness. Such children are a totally different category than a child who is willing to listen, and is attempting to overcome the seductions of his flesh.

In this case, there had been a lifetime of error on the part of the parents in terms of how they had disciplined the child. The precocious nature of the child, combined with the strict, unbending expectation of perfect moral performance was the perfect ground for rebellion and the development of a secret life. The parents had no idea that the seed had been planted and grown unseen for so many years. They were trying to recover and bring the child into submission to the Lord's Way now that the child's inner state of moral decay had come into the light.

To force the child into immediate submission often produces rebellion and a hardened heart. Change often is deeper and more permanent when the work of personality transformation is done slowly, steadily, and the coaching, teaching, parenting is done with kindness. Understand the heart of the child is overcome by the spirit of rebellion. Know that he has an unregenerate heart, but that God is ultimately the force that must work on the heart of the child to change it. The parents can provide boundaries, restrictions, and rules which let the child know where the areas of harm are located. But, in all their correction, discipline, and counsel they must maintain a heart connection, a love relationship with their child where he can really see the fruit of the spirit coming out of his parent's hearts and manifesting in a truly connecting and loving relationship.

This was the error of Mom and Dad. They had become so offended by the sin of their child that compliance with the law, and judgment for sin has become their primary focus. Until compliance was delivered, there was little openness in the heart of Mom and Dad for their son.

The Resolution:

Mom and Dad were given the above framework for relationship. Love him, give him guidelines, listen to him, and have faith that your faith will be rewarded.

John was given the homework assignment of turning away from the Rock and Roll, realizing it was a drug, and that it had the power to shape and distort his soul.

As time passed, John did turn from Rock and Roll and inappropriate relationships with young girls. He decided to go to college, or possibly the mission field for a year before he started college. He moved out on his own to establish some independence while he was still close to home before he left for college or the mission field.

John's parents stepped back a little, and the relationship between John and his parents improved.

Written: 10/21/2001
Modified: 11/29/2002