On Earth as it is in Heaven

 

Thomas Lee Abshier, ND
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Christian Counselor

Naturopathic Physician

Political Philosopher
Physicist-Theologian-Author

 

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Marriage & Personal Counseling

Medical Consultations

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1414 NE 109th Ave.

Portland, Oregon

(503) 255-9500
naturedox@qwest.net

 

Relationship Errors

 

Some behaviors violate the natural God-given laws of relationship.  Some examples of this type of violations include:

 

• Make promises, but break them for even the smallest inconvenience of change of heart.  Being late, forgetting dates, keep commitments to others, all communicate a disrespect.
• Avoid confronting hurts and violations: If there is a problem, sweep it under the rug.
• Don’t seek help for solving relationship problems.  Let problems to build up without resolution.
• Withhold sex for power and control.
• Seldom praise, acknowledge, or appreciate.
• Make promises and don't keep them.
• Give time and attention to everyone except your partner.
• Don’t ever compromise, alternate, or capitulate to accommodate the needs of your mate.
• Don’t pay attention to your mate when he talks.  Channel surf, read the paper, interrupt with your thoughts.
• Always be planning your exit strategy.
• Don’t forgive.  Remember violations and use them as leverage for getting your way.
• Maintain an unpleasant attitude around your mate.  Immediately switch moods when talking with other people.

 

Obviously, such behaviors and others of this kind, produce a sense of separation, alienation, and all the feelings opposite to romantic love.  These behaviors may arise as a result of unmet needs, and may be passive ways of communicating hurt, disappointment and dissatisfaction with the quality of the relationship.    

 

He/she may not be able to meet all of your needs, but there must still be an attitude of love, care, and appreciation even if he/she is immature, flawed, unskilled, and incomplete.  

 

When he/she violates God’s laws of relationship, forgive in the sense of letting God handle the issue of convicting his/her heart.  Sympathize and understand the weakness of character that results in the violation and disappointment.  Communicate your need, and understanding of righteousness.  Own your feelings.  Communicate with the goal of producing understanding of how a particular behavior was painful.  Keep sharing your perspective and listening to his/hers.  Create such a powerful atmosphere of mutual understanding that your have sympathy for him/her, and he/she is deeply convicted and has a profound and personally owned conviction of the need to change.  When the need to change has been owned, then identify the behavioral goals that will produce this change.  Work together as a team to support the development of new habits and a new heart.  Change is a process that takes time, it involves many small steps and much repetition in many different circumstances.  Have patience, and celebrate small victories.

 

Accept the personality traits that do not rise to the level of sin and violation of God’s law.  Live inside of a profound level of love, acceptance, and appreciation of his/her uniqueness and individual type of beauty.  He/she may not be able to meet all of your needs, but there must still be an attitude of love, care, and appreciation even if he/she is immature, flawed, unskilled, and incomplete.  

 

But being realistic, many people are unskilled in the principles and ways of relationship that produce happiness and transformation.  Ask for help in producing personal or relationship change.  Be humble, ask for help if your best efforts produce only aggravation instead of resolution.

 

6/14/2009